How can positive r parenting encourage personal development
Being a parent is a difficult task, r parenting is not so easy, and never will be, a guide or manual for all children, each child is unique.
We always try to raise our children according to what we think is best for them. But unfortunately, sometimes we happen to forget their real need.
In fact, we always want to see our children perfect and we forget them to learn to be happy. That is to say, they should not be forced to do a few things that they do not like, for example, they should not necessarily learn to become a soccer player, nor a champion in his school, and nor a musician if that doesn’t make them happy.
stop trying to perfect your child, but keep trying to perfect your relationship with him -Dr Henker
So never try to put pressure on your child, because you want to achieve your own dream through him.
But, try to support him to do what he wants in life, surely your child will be very happy and he will excel.
- The best thing you can offer your child is love and respect for those choices.
- As a parent, we must supervise, support, and give advice to our child. But we must never put pressure on him to make a precise choice because that is what we want.
- A child’s talent does not develop because we encourage it or because we think it is best for it.
- You must teach your child to love himself and teach him to appreciate himself for what he is, even with his weaknesses. The most important thing is not to be a perfect child, but to be a happy child.
Parenting – Each Child is Unique Comparison Hurts!
We have all been compared and have made comparisons. Often it is done unconsciously, usually with good intentions. None of us would intentionally say or do something that would hurt our children. My goal in writing this is not to cause guilt, but awareness.
Babies and young children are very impressionable. A comment by a parent or another important adult in their lives that seems like comparison is usually taken literally and accepted because of the truth.
The feeling response to the comment gets stored in the body, where it remains buried and unprocessed, out of conscious awareness.
If it is negative and remains unconscious, it becomes a limiting belief. If it is positive, it can be empowering. However, even positive comparisons can have a “downside”, causing a toddler to feel guilty.
I was the oldest child in my family and the oldest grandchild on my father’s side of the family. My parents were considerably crazy and delighted once I was born. I was very close to my paternal grandmother, as well. So, in my early years, I wasn’t the victim of negative comparison. In fact, quite the opposite.
I had an aunt on my mother’s side of the family who was only two years older than I. My Aunt Rose (though I never called her that), was always very good to me. I loved being with her. Occasionally, my great Aunt E would take care of us when we played together.
Anytime we would color or draw pictures, Aunt E would look at them and say, “Oh, Anny, your picture is even better than Rose’s, look at the beautiful colors you used”. Or “You’re going to be an artist someday”.
It wasn’t that she liked me better. I believe she did it because I was two years younger and she was trying to encourage me. But when it happened; and it happened often no matter what activity we were involved in, I saw the hurt look on Rose’s face. Instead of making me feel better, I felt guilty, anxious, and sad for Rose.
I didn’t experience the negative side of comparison until I used to be in class. My cousin, Jammy sat next to me within the class. One day when we were working on our handwriting, the teacher came and stood between our desks.
She looked at Jerry’s work, and then mine. She held the papers up side by side and said, “Anny, look how nicely Jammy forms his letters and how neat his work is. You seem to be having a lot of trouble. Maybe Jammy can assist you .” Then she had Jammy move his desk closer to mine so he could work with me.
Her intention was good. She was trying to help me. In fact, it wasn’t even overly negative. But, it was a comparison in front of the class, and I felt embarrassed and discouraged. It hurt my self-confidence. The fact that I still remember it today tells me something.
Growing up, I remember being compared positively and negatively, and how they both felt. Obviously, being compared positively felt better, but not great. I was always aware of the impact on the other person or persons and it made me uncomfortable. At times, it caused others to resent me.
The comparisons I’ve mentioned are mild but still had an impact. Children feel the impact of comparison inadvertently throughout their lives. Some children get picked for a club or a team. Others don’t. One friend decides they like another friend better. Couples break up and choose other partners.
All of this is a part of life and growing up. The higher your children’s self-esteem is, the less they will be hurt by disappointments and comparisons. It is the children who are consistently compared negatively (especially if the intention is to “put the child in his or her place” or if there is a preference for one child over the other) that are the most damaged by comparison.
When we look at this in the context of the law of attraction, how we feel is what we attract, we can see how critical your role as a parent is in helping your children see their value in the face of disappointment and difficulties.
The most important thing you can do when your children are hurt, by comparison, whether directly (like a negative comment) or indirectly (like not being chosen by a club, team, or friend), is to listen to them, support them, and help them see the experience as an opportunity to learn and grow to be the person they were created to be.
As a parent, you are the most important person in your children’s lives.
Share some of your own disappointments and experiences of feeling “less than”. Let your children know that you love the unique person that they are, exactly as they are. It is the best gift you can give them.
No doubt, there, all parents love their child too much.
But many of you do not know the key elements to have a happy and healthy child.
So, I invite you to discover the key elements and secrets to make your child happy.
Here are the 9 secrets to having a happy child.
9 secrets to making your child happy
- Be available for your child
Regardless of your child’s age, parent availability plays a very important role in their development.
The child needs to spend quality time with his parents.
According to a child psychologist, if you spend a few minutes each day with your child and play with him without any source of disturbance such as smartphones, tablets, Television, etc … It will be very beneficial for the happiness of your child.
In fact, this timeshare can build confidence between you and your child, moreover, it increases his happiness and his feeling of joie de vivre.
- Support your child
Parents always want the best friend for their child. But the problem is that many of you act wrong with them or through a lack of parenting skills.
For example, many parents force their child to do things, and that way the child does it under duress and not out of envy and it will get worse over time.
Forcing your children to do things is a nightmare for them, supporting your children, advising them when they make a bad choice but do not force them, let them make their own choice.
In fact, human beings always need support, even you, I think sometimes you need support too, isn’t it!?
Please never forget that your child needs you, especially in bad times, believe in him, and support him !!
- Teach your child positive thinking!
First of all, I hope you are an optimistic and positive person so that you could pass positive energy to your child.
If not, I give you a small example so that you can understand me:
If your child complains about his little brother:
Mummy, little brother always takes my toys and he is not sharing.
Mom says because you are a big and smart boy you can ask him to play together.
That is, always try to teach your child to look on the bright side.
In fact, that’s positivity! It’s simple, isn’t it?
- You are a role model for your child
In my opinion, this is the most important item on the list. Generally, children imitate their parents.
In fact, in children’s eyes, parents are superheroes.
So, parents should show respect to each other in front of children.
So if you want a happy child, you have to be happy, even in difficult times, try to forget the stress in front of your children. Remember that you have the greatest influence on your child.
To have a happy child, you must be present in their lives, make them feel that they can count on you, and respond to their emotional needs.
All of these things will develop a secure attachment that will allow him to feel happier.
- Help your child develop his skills
Does your child like soccer, music, painting etc…?
So help him develop his skills without forcing him because a happy child is a child who practices an area he likes.
- Help your child accept his failures
If you are a successful man or woman in life, surely you have gone through a lot of failures.
So teach your child to accept their failures and learn to heed their mistakes.
- Limit your child’s media
If you limit your child’s media exposure, you are going to have wonderful results like:
your child will be more creative.
expand their attention span and ability to stay calm.
and finally a happier child.
- Show your child to see things differently
It is real mental gymnastics that we must teach our children to see things in a positive way. For example, if the internet is down and your child can’t watch his favorite videos on YouTube, either let him scream, etc. Or show your child the good side of things by saying to him: ” Hey, it’s is an opportunity to spend more time together and play.
- Effectively compliment a child
Always try to compliment your child, but be careful not to praise like “You are handsome/beautiful, awesome (e), pretty (an), etc … “
This style of compliment is not effective, in fact, it is blah-blah for nothing.
For an effective complement, you have to target very specific situations like “Bravo!” You are a great footballer “,” WOW! You have a great voice”,“ You are an intelligent child! You were very nice to your little brother! “.
This kind of compliment will be very beneficial for your child’s mood and psychology.
I hope this article will help you with your treasure to have a happy childhood and a life full of joy.